Green Party acts decisively against antisemitism

In a special joint meeting today in York, the executive of the Green Party and the representatives of the Green Party Regional Council have decided a set of actions against antisemitism.

MP and Green Party leader Caroline Lucas declared:

For far too long our Party has tolerated some forms of unintentional antisemitism to develop unchallenged. For far too long we have failed to confront antisemitism when it is present in political campaigns and organizations which we support. This has to change. I want to make it clear today that the fight against antisemitism is not contradictory with the fight for human rights: it is part of the fight for human rights. As a leader of the Green Party, I also want today to reach out to those who have been distressed by antisemitism, sometimes to the point of leaving the Party, and ask them to come back and help build the political alternative this country needs.

Green Party blogger and member of the executive Jim Jepps added:

I’ve set up a new poll on the Daily Maybe to find out what form of antisemitism my readers would most like me to campaign against. There’s a choice between institutional antisemitism, antisemitism on blogs, religious antisemitism, or the kind of antisemitism where you sling muck at the world’s biggest Jewish collectivity and then take the piss out of the Jews who get upset.

Party Stalwart John Norris said “I have been studying this subject for 30 years….” but was cut short when someone asked if he had passed the exam yet.

Meanwhile, Rupert Read, Professor of the Bleedin’ Obvious at the University of East Anglia was unavailable for comment or a photoshoot for the first time in living memory, but an anonymous member, disguised by a white sheet, muttered something about Known Knotty Knowledge and referring the matter to a Duke.

Joseph Healy, Green Party representative on the Stop the War coalition steering committee remarked:

The StWc has an appalling record on antisemitism. I will follow today’s decision and challenge the invitation of antisemitic speakers on StWc platforms. If the situation does not improve, the Green Party will leave the coalition and I will make that clear at the next steering committee. Of course, I will then probably be accused of being a member of the “squealing Zionist lobby”, but I will not be impressed by such bullying.

Two leading lights of the Green Party have however totally rejected the conclusions of the special meeting.

Dr Derek Wall, intellectual, academic, one of the founders of ecosocialism, and former principled male speaker of the Green Party, declared angrily: “The Green Party has been taken over by a bunch of Zionist twats!”

He decided to form a new party named ESAP (Eco-Socialist Anti-zionist Party) and he democratically and unanimously elected Deborah Fink as female principal speaker.

In her first declaration as female speaker, Deborah Fink said: “I hope all ashamed Jews will join ESAP ASAP”. Since then nobody has spoken to her, they haven’t yet worked out how to interrupt her!

The Chief Executive concluded: If any member wishes to complain about anti-Semitism in the party they should go immediately to Helen Waite. Given the state of the Members Site, it took us some time to work out what this meant.

Update: it’s come to our attention that some of our readers hadn’t noticed the date, and had joyfully forwarded this post to friends and family as a signal of a new direction for Greens and Jews. 


15 thoughts on “Green Party acts decisively against antisemitism

  1. Pingback: Greens Act On Antisemitism. « ModernityBlog

  2. Sarah AB

    It’s a bit sad that, having come here via a link in Modernityblog, not even thinking about the date, I wasn’t two sentences into the first inset quote before I found myself checking when this was posted.

  3. Badgeman


    could almost pass for true though.

    the Rupert Read and Derek Wall bits were spot on though…

  4. Poisson D'Avril

    And Peter Cranie spoke out against anti-semitism in the Greens without worrying whether he’d loose any support from his “anti_zionist” mates with whom he’d previously worked on forming electoral alliances. Peter also regretted being a key speaker at an Israel is an Apartheid state meeting a couple of years ago. Peter announced he would now oppose anti-semitism on principle and he regrets that in the past his firm stand against racism didn’t extend to opposing anti-semitism.

  5. Isca Stieglitz

    I’d forgotten the day and that a post was coming, so enjoyed being duped. Very ‘Private Eye’/’Punch’!
    I’m on a train and embarrassed myself laughing out loud. Thanks for the comic relief on a subject that’s brought a lot of pain.

    1. Isca Stieglitz

      Forgot to add that I’m not au fait with all of the ‘in’ jokes, but the ones I did understand took some venom out of the hurtful truths which they represented and which I have also been on the receiving end of.

  6. Pingback: Green Party fights anti-semitism « Greens Engage

  7. Jack

    Well this really makes me want to listen to Greens Engage *sarcasm*. I came here as a fairly new GP member with a view to reading principled arguments. Admitedly my political background is anti-zionist but I was genuinely interested in what you had to say. While I appreciate this was a joke it is also belittling and insulting towards GP activists. If you must resort to mud slinging I won’t bother reading any further, at 21 I’ve grown out of the sectarian left.

    1. Mira Vogel

      Sorry to hear that, Jack. As a single issue group, we’re far from sectarian. This piece is fairly atypical, so I hope you won’t reject us on the basis of such a small sample of our writing. At the time of writing various of us have been on the receiving end of so much venom under the protective stones of internal GP forums, I can only imagine you must be unaware of that. So perhaps you would be so good as to help us out by explaining why you think this piece has transgressed beyond satire. Thanks.

  8. Badgeman

    I’d really like to see some of those internal forum posts. I want to know what these people say when they think they’re safe.


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